Loneliness

The Tipped Chair

There is a house I drive by each morning with 2 rocking chairs on the front porch. I first noticed the chairs because they were tipped over every time I drove by in the winter months. I remember thinking how smart to tip them instead of allowing them to become snowed on. As spring sprung I noticed each day one of the chairs would be tipped up and the other still down. As the months and seasons have continued to progress I have found myself looking each morning hoping to see the second chair tipped up and both chairs looking as if they had been enjoyed together. After almost a year of watching and hoping I am still found lacking and wanting. Part of me would like to go tip up the chair and wait for the homes other inhabitant to come out and join me on the porch so the chair is not sitting there rocking alone on the porch.

As I reflect on the chair and the topic of loneliness, feel a pit of sadness and fear in my stomach as I assume many of us do. I think we have all felt alone either during times of solitude or even in a crowd of people. As an international society we are increasingly reporting high amounts of loneliness. The campaign to end loneliness https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/ reports that being lonely is the equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day in terms of negative health effects and decreased life expectancy. So, why is 60% of our population according to the CDC lonely and what do we do about it? The why is about connection. I read a meme recently about social media allowing us to connect while still at home in our Pj’s. Is that truly connection? Can a smartphone provide what we need to combat loneliness? I do not think so and I would guess 60% of our population being lonely would support that supposition. So what do we do about it?

1: Practice self-compassion and be kind to yourself

2: Be in the present moment and reach out to share that with someone. Not on social media, actually reach out to someone in your circle. This can be through a call or text but needs to be sent to someone who can respond, not into the void.

3: Connect with someone, an actual in person connection or IRL (in real life), even if this someone is a stranger at the supermarket, it is still contact with another person.

4: Take time to evaluate how you are spending your time and find ways to spend this with others. Are you spending time on your phone when you could be at the park, on a walking path, at lunch with friends or family, or at a group activity.

5: Focus more on someone else besides yourself. Giving back, volunteering in the community and offering of ourselves helps us feel connected to something larger than just us. Thus creating the feeling of interconnectedness between you and your community.

6: Educate yourself by learning what loneliness is, where you feel it in your body and what works for you to combat it. Knowing others are suffering in the same way helps us feel less alone and common humanity is one of the three pillars of self-compassion.

7: Seek professional help, mental health professionals are there to provide support and connection.

8: Seek out a new hobby, find something to grab your interest and take up your time besides being on social media or watching television. New hobbies also provide opportunities for meeting others with similar interests either IRL or through online groups.