IRL Connections

I challenge each of you to reach out in person and make a connection, have a conversation, give a hug, be seen, be heard, and hear and see others. “We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” Brené Brown.

The topic of the week is connection. I think we should first start by defining connection. I like the one provided by Brené Brown “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

Human babies are born to connect as our mammal brains are designed to be social and interact with others. In today’s world connection has been pushed to electronic formats. In many ways this is good as we now build global relationships, have faster communication, and think we connect more with others. However, there are some parts of connection lacking in electronic forms. Research has found when we connect in person endorphins are released in our brains. Endorphins are the body’s natural pain killers and increase our sense of wellbeing. However, the loss of connection i.e., loss of someone we care about, is processed in the same part of the brain as actual physical pain meaning, heart break and loss create actual physical pain. Theory states we operate as humans on the pleasure/pain principal, meaning we strive to lessen pain and increase pleasure in our daily lives, and this is what motivates us day to day. The brain is such an amazing organ and is literally designed to move us towards connection. To me this explains why we need actual connection and physical touch with other humans to avoid pain, feel pleasure and gain a sense of wellbeing.

So… as we have explored in the past month the world is feeling disconnected, lonely, and in pain. It stands to reason this is due to the increased isolation from actual physical, in person interaction with another human. We NEED to have this contact for our bodies to feel pleasure and lessen the pain of our lives. I am asked often, ‘how long do people need to be in counseling?’ This answer has become much clearer in the past 18 months with the pandemic. 98% of my clients chose to continue attending in office for therapy, despite the risk of the pandemic. Some who chose to do online quickly moved to in person as they felt the anxiety and depression increase in their lives. I, as their counselor, might be the only person who they feel seen and heard by in their week and this connection is needed to avoid pain. I feel strongly as a part of humanity we need to connect with others to lessen our own pain, to lessen the pain of those we can connect with and for us all to have a sense of peace and wellbeing. I challenge each of you to reach out in person and make a connection, have a conversation, give a hug, be seen, be heard, and hear and see others. “We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” Brené Brown.